The Reeking Hegs Hall of Fame rides again! Who put the raunch in the judge’s paunch?

Moon rising in the sign of the Walrus.

Devotees and fans of The Reeking Hegs will, I am sure, have a good idea of the answer to the above question.

Step forward another of our shimmering constellation of characters in the strong female characters category – Mammadamn Spuloperov! Famed throughout Ugzcyk for her therapeutic healing and Carnomancing prowess, the Mammadamn features in settings so varied as to include her appearances as TV Hostess and Star witness in the trial of the Century. Passage introducing the Mammadamn herself in Canto 1 follows:

‘The next day we set sail ‘neath a blackly sky on Yick’s sloop, the Blood Soaked Noose. It was to be a cruise of mind-bending horror. Fortunately, I spent most of the time in Mammadamn Spuloperov’s sea chest undergoing psycho cream bliss therapy, you understand.’

This is possibly the first but sure isn’t the last encounter between the plucky narrator and herself. As he becomes progressively ever more and more deeply sucked into the quagmire of the mystery and horror of The Reeking Hegs, Private Investigator Seighton once again feels the need to consult with the Mammadamn in Canto 5:

‘I decided to consult with Mammadamn Spuloperov.

“Mammadamn Spuloperov invites you in.”

“No, thank you. I couldn’t. Really. What a lovely kiosk you have here!”

“I call it…my tea-chest.”

“Tea! Super. Love a cup!”

“I do not serve tea, you piss fly!”

“What! What do you serve then?”

Other members of The Reeking Heg’s notable collection of notables are also drawn irresistibly to her. Here be an account of Little Knowing What’s experience:

“Once he went on a Bank Holiday weekend excursion with Mammadamn Spuloperov. He returned confused and breathless, stumbling across the tundra until he eventually fell in with a company of block haulers engaged on the contract of a lifetime.”

The Mammadamn’s final show-stopping appearance in The Reeking Hegs takes place in Canto 12: The Trial. Before the excerpt bear with me as I attempt to summarise the scene. In Courtroom 5 Seighton is on trial for treason, or, put another way, for his life. The prosecutor, Mrs.Bayak, has called forth a new witness to the stand – Professor Enid Sub√≥tika. To his astoundment, Seighton watches as, instead of the venerable professor, the Mammadamn makes a spectacular entrance to the courtroom. It seems everyone present save himself is delighted.

” She sopranoed extravagantly, bursting forth from the box. Everyone drew in a breath at the sight of her galvanized tutu and the Black Feg Mamba that hissed at her tongue-forking reply. Mrs.Bayak capsized, half the jury fainted and Judge Whynot, unable to stop himself, ejaculated. The sweating gnomes sweated even more and the team of chests began to warp.”

Thank you for reading this far. Please share the blog with your friends and foes. Feel free if the need takes you to also comment. This place needs more COMMENTARY!! Have a pity for my faith in this project.

Published by peteperu

To find out more about me read The Reeking Hegs.

2 thoughts on “The Reeking Hegs Hall of Fame rides again! Who put the raunch in the judge’s paunch?

  1. This is a polemical question. The phonetics of Ugzcyk are open to debate since the King banished the Royal Academicians to The Hegs. There are 4 syllables for sure. Lord Tupelo favours Spoo-lop-eh-rof, the tonic on the 2nd. Myself prefer Spoo-lop-er-of. I’ll forward you the beginner’s guide to Ugzcyken.

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